So last night I dreamt of a guy, let's call him B. He was in 8 Senior High School, the best highschool ever in Jakarta, and in Indonesia I think. He won the first place in OSN, National Science Olympiad in Geography category (won't tell you which year though...). He's an agnostic and I admired him so much because of his honesty. He is brave to state publicly that he is an agnostic. He's also really smart, right now what I know is he's the leader of some national olympiad in geography for highschoolers in Indonesia. He is obsessed with human-centipede (google it, it's scary) and he once told people in his twitter that there's 'a girl' in his room and he was attracted to her and they were kind of communicating. And that doesn't make him weird, even he looks cool in my eyes.
I had a dream that he is devoted to me, I mean, he liked me, and willing to do anything for me. In my dream he brought me in a rocket (yeah....space rocket) to the outer space to show me the beauty of the space. But there's something missing so I can't fully enjoy it, so he made some stuffs (some really cool stuffs--in a way, nerd stuffs) and I remembered I have this thought on my mind (when I was dreaming, ofcourse) "What can't you do?" I mean, he just knows how to do everything and pleases woman! I really, really admire him. I don't even care if he's not religious or something. But in fact, I believe that he is more religious than whoever you think is religious. He knows the differences between the religions, and that means he has studied them all, right? I think if I'm not lazy enough and want to surf the knowledge between the religions I will become an agnostic as well, but I know my limit; I have a family and they all are expecting from me. I just can't be something other than a moslem. That is why I wear hijab. I want to make my self always aware that I am and always have to be a moslem. I know, the reason (because of the family) is really silly for people who seek the truth, but it's a world where I can't live without them, so I have to find a way of what can I do to behave my self.
The thing is I really admire B. I always wonder when will I meet this person in reality. He is now enrolled in FITB ITB, the place where I really want to be. I wonder if I entered this institute I would know him in person and get to know him further. He's just like a star (like his name) that I can't reach from my place. I really hate the fact that he liked me is only in my dream. It's not like I'm obsessed with him, I just really want to know him, that's all!! In this point I really want to cry...for not being able to do what I want to do. His life is like a dream, I really hope that someday I will meet him in person and he recognizes me.
Actually this blog post wasn't supposed to talk about him, it supposed to tell how I am now in a broken heart. But B's charm is too enormous I just can't stop thinking about him. I will write my broken heart story in another post later.
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